On Monday Richard Simmons announced he was “dying.” (Spoiler: He’s not.) It was the start of a lengthy social media thread about living life to the fullest — about telling people to “enjoy your life to the fullest every single day. Get up in the morning and look at the sky… count your blessings and […]
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Sydney Sweeney Responded To Everyone Acting Really Weird About Her Boobs
One of the nice things about being famous and rich (although not as rich as you might think) is that you can hire someone to manage your social media for you. I’m not saying Sydney Sweeney doesn’t personally check her notifications on X or her DMs on Instagram, but if she did, she might lose […]
Read MoreDon Lemon’s Agent Denied A Report That The Former CNN Host Asked Elon Musk For A Cybertruck And ‘Equity Stake In X’ Because, C’mon, Who Wants That?
In predictable fashion, Elon Musk has been lashing out at Don Lemon. The former CNN journalist revealed that Musk had abruptly ended a multi-million dollar publishing deal for The Don Lemon Show after a testy interview where Musk was asked about his ketamine use and failure to moderate hate speech on Twitter. Somehow, The New […]
Read MoreDonald Trump Introduced A New Campaign Slogan That Will Convince No One To Vote For Him
If Joe Biden loses the election to Donald Trump this November, it won’t be because of his terrible campaign slogan. But it’s not helping. In 2020, Team Biden went with “Build Back Better.” Not bad, not great. But it’s a masterpiece compared to the administration’s 2024 slogan: “Let’s Finish the Job.” Shrug. Meanwhile, Trump introduced […]
Read MoreAre Ayo Edibiri And Paul Mescal Dating?
My Irish wish came true, and I don’t mean the Lindsay Lohan movie. Over the weekend, America’s sweetheart Ayo Edebiri shared a cute photo on Instagram of herself laughing with Paul Mescal. “Happy St Paddy’s,” it read, along with a three-leaf clover emoji. You have to be terminally online to know this, but The Bear […]
Read MoreMichael Cohen Says Trump Doesn’t Actually Own Any Of His Properties, Which He Claims Are All ‘Leveraged’
Donald Trump has always portrayed himself as a wealthy, smart businessman. He even used to play one on TV and in movies. But what if it’s all been an act? What if his fortune is tiny? It certainly seems that way. A recent New York Times report claimed he was cutting back on his beloved […]
Read MoreTrump Thinks Jimmy Kimmel Is ‘Even Dumber’ Than He Thought For Reading His Attack Post Live At The Oscars
Last week the 96th Academy Awards had everything: male near-nudity, a Field of Dreams rant, a dog. It also had a brief appearance by someone who wasn’t exactly welcome: Donald Trump. The former president didn’t appear in the flesh, but his words did appear near the end, when host Jimmy Kimmel read aloud his negative […]
Read MoreRudy Giuliani Thinks Getting Disbarred For Trump Is A Good Thing: ‘That Will Help Me In Heaven’
To some Rudy Giuliani may seem like a tragic figure. Once upon a time he was America’s Mayor. Now he’s a broke joke who sold his soul for, of all people, Donald Trump. Thing is, Giuliani doesn’t see it that way. To him it’s good that his life’s in the crapper, because at least he […]
Read MoreBarack Obama (Charmingly) Turned Down A Chance To Cameo On ‘3 Body Problem’
American presidents like to make jokey TV appearances, especially once they no longer have the worst job in the nation. What they don’t tend to do is act. Even Ronald Reagan, America’s big actor-turned-POTUS, didn’t return to his old job after office. (Nor has Donald Trump, despite a history of playing himself onscreen.) Still, Game […]
Read MoreA Bar In Milwaukee Is Shutting Down During The RNC So They Don’t Have To Deal With Trump Supporters
This July the Republican National Convention will descend upon Milwaukee. An estimated 50,000 visitors are expected to descend upon Laverne and Shirley’s old stomping grounds. That means a lot of commerce for the city’s businesses — and it means plenty of fans of the wannabe dictator whose brain definitely isn’t mush. But one bar would […]
Read MoreESPN Showed A Bunch Of Very Bored Celebrities During A 16-Minute Review In Warriors-Lakers
The Warriors picked up a 128-121 win over the Lakers on Saturday night in L.A. in what may be a preview of a Play-In Tournament game later this year. The game was moving right along until the final couple minutes of the fourth quarter when an extremely lengthy review of whether Draymond Green’s toe was […]
Read MoreCash-Strapped Trump Is Cutting Back On His Beloved, Gaffe-Filled Rallies In Order To Save Money
Does anyone love anything as much as Donald Trump loves rallies? The former president gets to hold forth before adoring crowds who swallow absolutely anything he tells them. He’ll spew nonsense, worrying gaffes, even admit he lost in 2020, and they’ll let it all slide. He even gets to dance to songs by groups that […]
Read MoreA Moviegoer Was Caught Doing Something, Um, Well, Pretty Darn Lewd At A Showing Of ‘Love Lies Bleeding’
Kristen Stewart has a new movie out. It’s called Love Lies Bleeding and it’s a romantic thriller in which she plays a shy gym manager who gets involved with an ambitious bodybuilder (Katy O’Brian). The film is noted for its in-your-face scenes of intimacy; Stewart herself has called out “run-of-the-mill” movie sex scenes, which Bleeding […]
Read MoreTucker Carlson Got Schooled By Some Pranksters Who Posed As Kate Middleton Whistleblowers
It’s been almost a year since Tucker Carlson was fired by Fox News, and he’s clearly been living his best life. Or maybe not. Since taking his toys over to Twitter/X, the far right rabble rouser has hit some sad lows, including interviewing such shady figures as a guy who claimed to have sex with […]
Read MorePierce Brosnan Is Very Sorry He Walked Off A Trail At Yellowstone Park Causing A Whole Damn Thing
After initially pleading not guilty to two charges of illegally wandering off a nature path at Yellowstone National Park in November, Pierce Brosnan has apologized for the incident and apologized for not obeying signs. According to The Wrap, a U.S. magistrate dismissed one of the charges against the iconic James Bond actor, clearing him of […]
Read MoreTexas Followed Through With Banning Pornhub Access, And People Are Now Side-Eyeing (You Guessed It) Ted Cruz
A classic Ted Cruz fumble is springing back up thanks to Texas following through on a state-wide ban of Pornhub. Back in 2017, the senator was roasted on social media after users discovered porn in his Twitter likes. Since then, Cruz has mostly been mocked for infamously feeling to Cancun while residents of his state […]
Read MoreAlex Jones Is Fuming That Everyone ‘Misunderstood’ What He Meant When He Said That He Will ‘Eat Your Leftist A**’
Alex Jones will eat your leftist ass. Those are his words, not mine. On Wednesday, the conspiracy theorist shared something truly bizarre (even for Mr. Weather Weapon) on X. On the right side of the image is a headshot-looking photo. On the left is the quote, “I will eat your leftist ass,” proudly attributed to […]
Read MoreKatie Britt Thought It Ruled That Scarlett Johansson Played Her In An ‘SNL’ Sketch That Made Her Seem Like A Hammy Creep
Last week Katie Britt went from semi-obscure MAGA lawmaker to semi-household name. It wasn’t for a good reason. She was the poor Republican chosen to deliver the predictably chaotic rebuttal to Joe Biden’s fiery State of the Union speech, and her soliloquy — hammy and creepy in equal measure — became instant comedy fodder. Britt […]
Read MorePossible Veep Candidate Aaron Rodgers Allegedly Also Believes In Sandy Hook Conspiracy Theories
Back in the summer of 2021, a lot of people agreed that then-Packers quarterback Aaron Rodgers hosting Jeopardy! was a non-nonsensical idea. What a different a couple months makes. That fall the footballer revealed he holds a number of, shall we say, out-there beliefs. It’s probably not a compliment that wacko Robert F. Kennedy Jr. […]
Read MoreKristi Noem Is Already Being Sued For That Bizarre Dentist Infomercial She Dropped
On Monday MAGA governor Kristi Noem started her week a little unexpectedly: She dropped a bizarre, unprompted, five-minute-long video that appeared to be an infomercial for a dental chain in Texas. Noem is governor of South Dakota. Why was she shilling for dentists four very large states south of her? And given that Noem made […]
Read MoreThe Jets Apparently Are Not Happy With The Aaron Rodgers Vice President Thing In The Least Surprising News Of All Time
Aaron Rodgers has played all of four snaps for the New York Jets, which acquired him in a trade with the Green Bay Packers last offseason. Whether he plays any more this season is a major question right now, and it has nothing to do with the ruptured achilles he suffered at the very start […]
Read More‘Adult Toddler’ Elon Musk Canceled Don Lemon’s Fancy New Twitter/X Show Hours After Don Questioned His Ketamine Use In Their Interview
Don Lemon just got an inside look at Elon Musk‘s supposed commitment to free speech. The former CNN anchor was set to launch his new show on Twitter in a highly-touted multi-million dollar deal. For his first interview, Lemon naturally chose Musk who agreed to sit down for the discussion, which reportedly took place last […]
Read MoreTexas’ Governor Proudly Told Artists Boycotting SXSW Over Military Issues To Not ‘Come Back,’ But The Festival Disagrees
SXSW has found itself in a bit of a controversy this year, as some artists have pulled out of the festival due to some of this year’s sponsors, including the US Army. Texas governor Greg Abbott relished in this news, though, tweeting yesterday (March 12), “Bands pull out of SXSW over U.S. Army sponsorship. Bye. […]
Read MoreTrump Reportedly Asked Elon Musk To Buy Up His Rinky-Dink Twitter Clone, Truth Social, But He Refused
Donald Trump has always played the part of the smart businessman, but what if — and hear us out — he’s not? What if it’s all an act and he’s not all that great with money or with creating products that people want? His record of failed products would certainly suggest the latter. Truth Social, […]
Read MoreThousands Of Roku Accounts Were Compromised As Hackers Tried To Purchase Streaming Subscriptions
Roku City used to be a safe and welcoming place filled with picturesque purple sunsets and nostalgia-fueled movie references. Now it’s just a glorified commercial. But this is how most cities evolve, so we shouldn’t be surprised. What is surprising is that the company is not very good at discouraging hackers from taking a quick […]
Read MoreJon Stewart Found The One Whopper In Katie Britt’s Creepy SOTU Rebuttal That Few Are Talking About
Since Katie Britt’s instant classic horror show of a State of the Union rebuttal on Thursday, everyone’s taken their turn dragging it. Colin Jost not only torched it on SNL‘s Weekend Update, he even coaxed his Oscar-nominated actress wife to play her in the Cold Open. By the time Jon Stewart’s weekly Monday stint on […]
Read MoreA Boeing Whistleblower Has Been Found Dead Mere Days After Delivering Testimony
Boeing used to be the Rolls Royce of commercial aircrafts. That reputation has plummeted in the last couple decades, with freak accidents, mass groundings, even crashes eroding consumer faith in the safety of their aircraft. A former employee was even recently taking part in testimony about cut corners and sub-standard parts. On Monday, it was […]
Read MoreJimmy Kimmel Revealed How The Academy Awards Were Not Wild About Him Reading Trump’s Trash Talking Out Loud
The 2024 Academy Awards were a pretty eventful night. Ryan Gosling did a for-the-ages rendition of “I’m Just Ken.” John Cena got nude. John Mulaney talked at length about Field of Dreams. There was a dog. And, you know, some people won some Oscars. There was also Jimmy Kimmel, the show’s returning host, who kept […]
Read MoreWhoopi Goldberg Wants Everyone To Leave Kate Middleton Alone Over That Janky Photoshop
Whoopi Goldberg rushed to Kate Middleton‘s defense after the Princess of Wales got caught up in even more conspiracy theories surrounding her seemingly suspicious absence from the public eye. On Sunday, Kensington Palace released a Mother’s Day photo of Middleton that triggered a kill notice after several news agencies spotted several signs that the photo […]
Read MoreWas John Cena Really Naked Onstage At The Oscars?
On Sunday night, the infamous Oscar streaker of decades past almost got one-upped by Peacemaker himself, John Cena, who appeared to wear only sandals while presenting the award for Best Costuming. Cena pulled off the stunt marvelously and seemed to be a mere stumble or dropped card away from (highly blurred) full frontal on network […]
Read MoreThe Mystery Of Who Edited That Wonky Kate Middleton Photo Has Been Solved
The Kate Middleton conspiracy theories had already been in overdrive thanks to a dubious statement from Kensington Palace followed by a suspicious photo of the Princess of Wales published by TMZ. But just when the situation seemed to be quieting, the Royal Family reignited a media frenzy thanks to a truly bizarre Mother’s Day photo. […]
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