DEAR DEIDRE: My husband is demanding I give up the job I love so I can be a full-time mum.
I’m 44 and I work as a social worker. He’s 46 and our children are nine and seven.
My job is an important one and it’s mentally and emotionally demanding. I went back full-time this year, after being part-time when the kids were tiny.
But I still spend as much time as I can with them. Sometimes, I do paperwork late at night so it does not interfere with our time together and, at weekends, they have 100 per cent of my attention.
But my husband, who works full time, says I put my job first and the kids second.
It’s not true and we argue about it a lot. It’s actually making me start to hate him. Now, he’s said he wants me to give up work entirely or our marriage is over.
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I knew he was traditional when we married, but he seemed to accept that my career is important to me. Now he’s changed his view.
If I give up work, we’ll be very stretched financially, which I think will mean the kids would suffer more. I don’t know what to do to sort out this situation. We’ve now reached a stalemate over it.
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DEIDRE SAYS: It’s 2024 and most women now work, both because it’s necessary financially and they want to.
You love your job and if you were to quit, you’d doubtless be miserable and unfulfilled, which would be detrimental to your children.
And it doesn’t sound like he’s offering to do more childcare or to change his hours.
Be firm with him and make it clear that he’s being unfair. My support pack Standing Up For Yourself should help you to have this conversation.
Perhaps couple counselling might help (contact tavistockrelationships.org). But if he won’t budge, you may have to consider splitting.
Dear Deidre on relationships, jealousy and envy