Ted Cruz Continues Courting Trump, Files Lawsuit for His Boo to Reclaim Millions He Gave to Campaign

Then President Donald Trump greets El Paso Mayor Dee Margo, left, and Senator Ted Cruz, right, as he disembarks from Air Force One upon arrival at El Paso International Airport in El Paso, Texas, August 7, 2019.

Then President Donald Trump greets El Paso Mayor Dee Margo, left, and Senator Ted Cruz, right, as he disembarks from Air Force One upon arrival at El Paso International Airport in El Paso, Texas, August 7, 2019.
Photo: Saul Loeb (Getty Images)

I don’t know how campaign financing works, but I know that I have a Ted Cruz rule in my house which states, “Where did Ted Cruz fall on this issue?” and then I do the exact opposite of whatever it is. It has never failed me. Not once. Mostly because Ted Cruz looks like a fat Eddie Munster and also because his politics resemble that of the Klan and not Wu-Tang or the X Clan but rather the Ku Klux variety.

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So fuck whatever it is that Ted Cruz is talking about or filing, because I have a personalized license plate that reads “fkTCruz4lyfe.”

Apparently, the Texas-sized asshole is continuing his courting of former president-turned-slumlord Donald Trump as he’s now launched a lawsuit appealing to the “Supreme Court that Trump and other candidates should be able to pay themselves back the millions of dollars they use to self-fund their campaigns.”

From RawStory:

Trump loaned his campaign $10.8 million in 2015, and by March 2016, he’d given his campaign $38 million. Trump even went so far as to claim that he was willing to spend as much as $100 million of his own money to win in 2016. He didn’t ultimately give that much officially, but it was certainly a lot, particularly given the hush-money payments uncovered.

Cruz claims that the McCain-Feingold Law violates the First Amendment by limiting to $250,000 fundraising to repay loans a candidate makes to his or her own federal campaign.

Let’s see, where do we begin?

How does one lend money that they were never slated to get back? If that is the case, I’m going to need the cable company to call me back about that loan I gave them last month. If you decide to “loan” your campaign money and it’s more than the slated payback amount then that sounds like you gave your campaign money and are never going to see that shit again. Also, if you paid into your own campaign and you won then isn’t that a return on your investment?

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Now watch how whiteness bends to give Trump his money back because, for some reason, this obese orange tub of sherbert extract won’t ever go broke. America won’t let him.

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