Sen. Ron Johnson Forced Senate Staffers to Read All 628 Pages of the COVID Bill Out Loud and It Backfired

Illustration for article titled Sen. Ron Johnson Forced Senate Staffers to Read All 628 Pages of the COVID Bill Out Loud and It Backfired

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In what can only be called the pettiest of petty bullshit, Sen. Ron Johnson (R-Wisc.) forced Senate staffers to read the entire 628-page COVID bill aloud on the Senate floor, Thursday, delaying the debate and vote on the bill.

Because Republicans are basically a group of whiny white men and komplicit Karens, the stunt was basically a fuck you to Democrats who have used budget reconciliation to jam the bill straight through Congress without the fuckhead party being able to do a damn thing about it.

The bill, in theory, wouldn’t need any Republican support but Democrats have Republicans in their ranks posing as Democrats. Senators Joe Manchin (WV) and Kyrsten Sinema (Ariz.) are looking mad shaky, so the Biden administration has been working on…wait for it…Sens. Lisa Murkowski (Alaska) and Susan Fucking Collins (Maine). This whole thing is starting to be one big clusterfuck, which is why Johnson’s stunt is even more infuriating.

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The whole stunt took about 10 hours. Ten hours of time the Senate can never get back as the clock is ticking on unemployment benefits, which expire March 14. Johnson claims that the move was about “educating” the American people on what was in the $1.9 trillion bill, which Republicans continue to claim has all kinds of provisions that have nothing to do with COVID relief except they can’t name any of those.

Senators normally wave the reading of bills as the move is procedural and generally, senators have read them beforehand. Johnson had every right to call for a reading but the move was some filibuster shit to delay debate on a bill.

Johnson then had the whitedacity to tell reporters that he felt bad for the Senate clerks who were going to “have to read it,” but added that it was “important” to delay the process and read the bill aloud because “so often we rush these massive bills” which few lawmakers have time to read, USA Today reports. Johnson is a punk bitch, and the move was some petty shit.

Imagine being a Senate clerk who just learned because Johnson is on some fuckshit, they’ve just had 10 hours added to their already long day.

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Johnson’s move will only “accomplish little more than a few sore throats for the Senate clerks who work very hard day in, day out to help the Senate function,” Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer, (D-N.Y.), told reporters.

Even Trump’s favorite underwear, Sen. Lindsey Graham (R-S.C.), told reporters he wasn’t sitting around to listen to the clerks reading the bill.

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“I’m not sitting here for the reading of the bill,” Graham told USA Today.

Johnson actually only ended up punishing himself as when the reading of the bill began he was the only Republican senator in the chamber.

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From USA Today:

After the clerk started reading the bill, Sen. Bernie Sanders, I-Vt., got up from his seat and said to a colleague, “good thing we have time during a national emergency to do this.”

The Senate voted earlier Thursday to begin debate on the bill. Vice President Kamala Harris had to break a 50-50 tie on the motion to begin debate.

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But this might be the best part: Once the reading of the legislation was complete, the Senate would normally have 20 hours to debate on the bill to pass it by the end of the week.

After the all-night reading, Maryland Sen. Chris Van Hollen proposed that the debate time on Friday be shortened from 20 hours to three and because no one, not even dumbass Ron Johnson was around to contest the proposal, the bill reading slowed down nothing.

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Game, blouses.

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