DEAR DEIDRE: I’M in love with a woman twice my age who is married with kids.
The sex is amazing but she keeps changing her mind about being with me or her husband.
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I’m 22, she’s 43. She used to live round the corner from me and my parents but when she got married, she moved to the north of the city, two bus rides away.
So I was surprised when I met her in the street back in May. She stopped for a chat and asked how I was.
I told her I’d found a good job in a sports shop in town, though I was furloughed back then.
She told me her husband had left and she’d come back to stay with her sister for a while, along with her two kids.
Sparks flew. She spoke like I was a friend — and one she fancied at that. I saw for the first time how sexy she is.
She told me her sister was working that night and invited me round for a drink.
We had lots to drink while her kids were asleep, then had great sex in the lounge.
The same thing happened on a couple more evenings before she went home.
We kept texting each other and met up for sex at her place a few times.
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It was lockdown back then and she told me to keep it a secret. I told my parents I was at a mate’s.
After lockdown was eased, I was thrilled when she told me she loved me — and she wanted the whole world to know.
So I packed up my rucksack and moved in with her.
It was hard to get out of her bed in the morning and get off to work.
Then last week she told me to make myself scarce, as her husband was coming to visit the kids.
She promised he’d be there for just a few days but then she messaged saying he wanted her back and I had to go back to my parents.
I was gutted but she’s just got in touch and she says that he has left her again and she wants me back. I’m confused.
DEIDRE SAYS: I am not surprised you feel confused but I think she is using you, rather like an emotional and sexual sticking plaster.
Who knows what her husband is up to?
But she clearly can’t rely on him, and having a young man eager to be with her and have sex with her is very soothing to her damaged self-esteem.
Stop and think it over. First, with the virus still around, you shouldn’t be getting so close.
Are your parents happy with the risks you are running – and exposing them to as well?
Next, would you actually want to take on her two children full-time, especially with their dad around and probably resentful?
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And that reminds me . . . I hope you have been using contraception.
She might be twice your age but she still could make you a dad.
And in reality you are better off looking for love with a woman who is nearer your age at your stage in life.