I’m going to snitch on my best friend’s who is having an affair

DEAR DEIDRE: I’m about to spill the beans on my best friend’s affair with a married man.

She’s infuriating, wandering around like a love-sick puppy whilst this poor man’s wife is oblivious.

She’s 41 and she’s always been unlucky in love. I’m a man of 42 and we’ve known one another since we were at university. We’ve been through a lot together but we’ve only ever been friends. I look out for her and I’m always there to pick up the pieces when her latest relationship goes wrong.

I’m married and she’s Godmother to my son.

I met her recently for dinner and she had a real sparkle. I was genuinely happy for her until I realised that her elation was due to a fling with one of her married colleagues. 

He’s 49 and has told her that his relationship with his wife is all but over. They meet in seedy hotels in town and as soon as the sex is over, he hops out of bed and back to his wife.

Get in touch with the Dear Deidre team

Every problem gets a personal reply from one of our trained counsellors.

Fill out and submit our easy-to-use and confidential form and the Dear Deidre team will get back to you.

You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page or email us at:


What makes me mad is that she believes everything he tells her and I know he’s stringing her along. I’ve met his type before.

He booked them both a weekend away then left her to go on her own because he was “full of cold”. He told her he’d bought her an expensive necklace for her birthday but there were ‘supply issues’ so two months on and she’s still waiting. 

Last week was his best yet. She called me to see if I’d like their theatre tickets because her boyfriend “had a suspected appendicitis and was in A&E”. 

I’m sorely tempted to blow the whistle on the affair by letting his poor wife know all of the sordid details.


DEIDRE SAYS: And what good would that do? You might break up a marriage and you’d certainly lose your friend.

He’s made his bed, so if he gets rumbled he can live with the consequences.

Tell your friend you’re worried she is going to get hurt again. She could give this man an ultimatum about their future but the chances are, he’ll lie and she’ll get sucked in.

My support pack called Your Lover Not Free explains more about these sorts of relationships but the chances are, any encouragement to ditch him will fall on deaf ears.

All you can do is be there for her, like you’ve been many times, when she runs to you licking her wounds.

Dear Deidre: Cheating and can you get over it

Leave a Reply