Name: The £28 pain au chocolat.
Age: Fresh out of the oven.
Appearance: Extra-large, flaky, cuboid-ish.
But it’s a pain au chocolat, right? Yes, recently launched at the Philippe Conticini bakery in Kensington, west London. They also do an XXL croissant – your choice.
And they’re bigger than normal? The XXL croissant weighs 1.5kg.
Wow. Are these things edible? Of course they’re edible – they’re pastries.
Still, £28 for a pain au chocolat? For a pain au chocolat the size of a pony’s head. Or £25 for the XXL croissant, allegedly sufficient to feed eight people.
Eight people? For real? The croissant contains 3,000 calories, comfortably more than one person is supposed to consume in a day.
I guess there are economies of scale involved. Not really – eight normal croissants at the same bakery would only cost £22.
So it would have to be some crazy, spur-of-the-moment splurge. On the contrary. The XXL pastries have to be ordered at least 24 hours before being collected from the shop.
If that’s the case, why would anyone pay that sort of money for giant pastries? To put them on social media.
Come again? Conticini’s croissants géants first emerged in France in May 2023, as pastry chefs were seeking to attract influencers and TikTokkers with novel, large-format viennoiserie.
You mean people are ordering these super-sized French pastries in order to pose with them? That’s right. In June last year, a picture of Selena Gomez eating – or pretending to eat – one of Conticini’s creations went viral.
And now everybody’s at it, taking turns to take a picture of the same thing? In Paris, the XXL croissant is more of a tourist attraction than an oversized breakfast. It’s like the Eiffel Tower.
Except you don’t have to reserve a selfie with the Eiffel Tower 24 hours in advance. No. You don’t have to spend more than 20 quid either.
And another thing: why would I want to pose with a giant pastry in the middle of London? Are there no metre-long sausage rolls available? You may be on to something there.
Do say: “Does my bun look big in this?”
Don’t say: “I’ll have the Leaning Tower of Pizza.”