Trump says presidents can mentally declassify things. Now we know Elvis is still alive!

UFOs? Bigfoot? The moon landing?

Like most reasonable Americans who believe they’re receiving coded messages through their dental fillings, I have questions.

But thanks to former President Donald Trump, we now know the truth is out there. And it has probably been declassified.

In a Wednesday night interview with Fox News’ Sean Hannity – who I believe is actually Walter Cronkite, alive and well following extensive plastic surgery – Trump addressed the FBI investigation into boxes of classified documents removed from his home/golf club in Florida. He said none of the material was classified, because he had declassified it … in his mind.