Penguin Random House to buy Simon & Schuster in deal that ‘would create a publishing behemoth’

President Trump pardoned a turkey on Tuesday, and The Late Show turned that into a dark, Thelma and Louise-themed comedy.

[embedded content]

Yes, Seth Meyers said at Late Night, “Trump today presided over the annual Thanksgiving White House turkey pardon — though the Southern District of New York reminded the turkey that he could still be prosecuted for state crimes.”

[embedded content]

The pardoned turkey, Corn, was “a lucky, lucky bird — to have a better legal team than the president,” Stephen Colbert joked at The Late Show. But “there you have it: An innocent turkey pardoned by a lame duck.” Trump is “distancing himself from the national embarrassment that is Rudy Giuliani,” his lawyer, who amazingly “wasn’t always the troll living under America’s bridge,” and he’s “looking to align himself with the more reputable figure” of Randy Quaid, Colbert deadpanned, going through Trump’s retweets of the colorful actor’s posts, especially a video Quaid shared. “I believe he’s using what’s known as mood lighting. The mood? Peyote bender.”

[embedded content]

“Trump took a break from his busy schedule of retweeting Randy Quaid and carried out the presidential tradition of pardoning a turkey,” Jimmy Fallon said at The Tonight Show. “The bird needed to be pardoned after it was let down by its bumbling lawyer, Rooster Giuliani.” It turns out “people could go online and vote for the turkey they wanted pardoned, Corn or Cob,” he added, but “Corn might have won because the vote was rigged by Hugo Chavez.”

[embedded content]

With Trump’s legal avenues blocked, his administration “paved the way for what has been the most highly anticipated transition since Caitlyn Jenner,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. But Trump isn’t conceding, and “he isn’t happy with Fox News, or some of his fellow Republicans. This morning he expressed that displeasure by retweeting actor Randy Quaid” five times, including that bizarre “video attack on Fox News.” Kimmel laughed “Look out kids, Santa’s been eating bath salts this year,” he said. “Randy Quaid, let’s just say he makes Gary Busey look like Dr. Fauci.”

[embedded content]

“Now, you might remember Randy Quaid as the nutty Cousin Eddie from Christmas Vacation, or as the nutty fighter pilot from Independence Day, or as the nutty criminal fugitive from real life,” James Corden said at The Late Late Show. Still, “five Randy Quaid retweets! Two, sure; three, pushing it. Five? I think that makes him secretary of agriculture.” Watch below. Peter Weber

[embedded content]

Leave a Reply