Stephen Colbert teaches Elizabeth Warren about South Carolina cuisine, tells a dirty joke, gets jabbed by a fork

Concerns about the global spread of the COVID-19 coronavirus “are growing, but fear not!” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday’s Late Show. “The president knows he has a solemn duty to protect … himself, because the Trump campaign is afraid coronavirus will hurt his re-election bid.” On Tuesday, he noted, “Trump tried to reassure us all” with the “very comforting” reminder that “there’s a very good chance you’re not gonna die” from the virus.

Trump accused the media for “doing everything possible to make the Caronavirus [sic] look as bad as possible,” and Colbert roasted him for the unfortunate typo, plus the attempts at reassurance from his economic adviser Larry Kudrow and acting Homeland Security Secretary Chad Wolf. Concerns over the coronavirus have helped tank stock prices but they have also “led many to wear masks in the United States, and the CDC has released this actual graphic detailing which styles of facial hair are best for wearing respirator masks and which ones do not work,” he said. “Oh God, all of Brooklyn is dead.”

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“Villain” facial hair could go either way, The Late Show illustrated.

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The Daily Show also found Trump’s “Caronavirus” typo less than reassuring.

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The coronavirus is “the worst global pandemic since ‘Baby Shark,'” Trevor Noah said. “And so today, the president of the United States held an emergency press conference to address people’s concerns,” during which he put Vice President Mike Pence in charge of America’s response to the virus. “And I think this is great, because Mike Pence has a lot of experience in this area — he’s been quarantining himself from women his whole life,” he joked. Sure, “when Mike Pence was governor of Indiana, he enabled an HIV outbreak when he didn’t follow the advice of public health officials,” but “I’ll be honest, I still feel safer with him than with Trump.”

The epidemic “hurting the economy” is “Trump’s real nightmare,” Noah said, imagining Trump’s response: “No, not my poor stock market! Not Wall Street! I’ll nurse you back to health with my special chicken soup: it’s a KFC bucket poured with Diet Coke.” But he also found Trump’s actual response a little unnerving: “Okay, we’re definitely all going to die. You know, Trump is great for jokes, but in times of crisis, Trump is the worst person to reassure the nation.” Watch below. Peter Weber

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