President Trump’s Border Wall Refuses Breathalyzer, Field Sobriety Test After Being Caught Falling Down

US workers build the border wall between El Paso, Texas, US and Ciudad Juarez, Mexico on February 5, 2019.
Photo: HERIKA MARTINEZ (Getty Images)

Question: What does Trump’s bullshit border wall and London Bridges have in common?

Answer: Both of them shits stay falling down.

On Wednesday, images of Trump’s impenetrable border wall, which was supposed to be made of some the toughest rhino skins and strongest elephant tusks, began popping up on Al Gore’s internet. The wall, which was supposed to be so strong and sturdy that only a mechanical machine capable of plowing to the core of the Earth could destroy it, was shown in a drunken state as if it had just left McSorley’s Pub.


Apparently, newly installed sections of the border wall, which was supposed to keep all Mexicans from ever entering the U.S. again, was knocked over by…wind.


Not even a tornado wind. Trump’s border wall, erected as a physical representation of the president’s racism, was knocked over by wind. American police are reportedly looking for a Mexican wolf believed to have huffed and puffed until he blew the wall down. Photos of the collapsed wall looking all forlorn and defeated began popping up all over social media.

Apparently, the section of the wall that folded faster than a lawn chair was being constructed when wind that couldn’t have even picked up Dorothy’s house, knocked it over.


In a statement sent to Newsweek, “Ralph DeSio, a spokesperson at the U.S. Customs and Border Protection agency, which is overseeing construction of the border wall, explained that ‘high winds impacted a handful of panels under construction yesterday afternoon.’

“No property damage or injuries were sustained during this uncommon event while the concrete was drying and construction remains ongoing,” he said.


“The border wall system is imperative to securing the border and is what border patrol agents have asked for and need to maintain operational control of the southern border,” DeSio added.

Trump’s dumb-ass wall, which was clearly constructed with spit and playing cards, has become a joke on Twitter. Even Democratic presidential hopeful Tom Steyer mocked the president, who claims to be a builder, for making a wall that would’ve hurt Rapunzel’s lover had he grabbed her weave and attempted to climb up it.


“I own buildings. I’m a builder; I know how to build. Nobody can build like I can build. Nobody. And the builders in New York will tell you that. I build the best product,” Steyer wrote, quoting Trump, after the border wall section fell, Newsweek reports.

Molly Jong-Fast, editor-at-large for the Daily Beast, also clowned the president’s high priced “club fence” (a “club fence” is basically a regular fence wearing leggings and heels) claiming “This episode of Arrested Development really has it all,” Newsweek notes.


Twitter users even employed infamous basketball player and one-time LeBron James antagonist Lance Stephenson:


This whole wall is a joke. It always has been. In fact, the wall came about only after Trump advisers used the idea of a wall to try and help Trump remember that he was going to be tough on borders during speeches . Trump being the Clark Griswold of presidents somehow turned it into an actual wall and here we are.

And get this: Trump is still claiming that Mexico is paying for the wall when you know who’s not paying for it? Mexico.


Newsweek notes that Trump pushed that lie just Tuesday when speaking at a campaign rally at the Wildwoods Convention Center Oceanfront in Wildwood, New Jersey. Trump claimed again, that Mexico would be “paying for the wall.”

“You will soon find out,” the president said. But what they will find out soon is that Mexico has left the restaurant and won’t be returning.


Meanwhile, let us all laugh at this wall that just got off work and didn’t feel like making the kids dinner because even walls get tired of standing up all day and sometimes need to lie down, too.

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